At the risk of sounding a bit pedofile-ish, I'm going to say that this note was inspired by school boys. Lots of them. But, in my defense, I work as a teacher, so I work with a lot of the little SOB’s (and I am by NO MEANS attracted to them!). Anyway, it's not so much the kids that I teach, but others that I see around the town. They're easy to spot, they all wear matching uniforms. I teach evening classes at a private, English institute, so in the afternoon when I'm walking around I always come across these kids just getting out of school. What happens next happens so frequently it could be scripted. Whenever there are a group of these kids together the following conversation takes place:
The most daring of the giggling school boys will say "Hello," to which his buddies will giggle even more.
I will then reply, "Hello." They also find this very funny.
Then, and this happens basically every time, that same ring leader, now encouraged by our profound conversation, will say, "You're handsome." The giggling continues.
I usually just say thanks and walk away, or just don't respond at all.
I'm not quite sure how to take that. Flatter me once, thank you. Flatter me twice, depending who you are, i might like it or i might be weirded out. Flatter me thrice, especially it's roaming catcalling teenage boys with heavy Asian accents, yeah, that's a little odd.
Is that all they learn in school? I can understand "Hello." Easy, that's the first thing they teach. But "you're handsome?" Every time? Come on. OK, granted, i am an attractive human being, but again, every time I walk by a group of students, always boys, to compliment my looks. . .
Maybe the kids all just think it's funny? Hmm. Maybe it's a cultural difference? Koreans are super heavy on image and looking good, so that could be the first thing they see and they want to let me know. Yeah, could be.
But my trembling supple buttocks is unconvinced.
Or, it could be that this country has an incredibly high rate of adolescent homosexuals. Then again, that could be my incredibly conservative upbringing speaking, saying that I should not be so close minded and embrace the changes with open cheeks, uh, arms.
I'm undecided.
Then again, there is that game.
By "That Game" I'm referring to this thing the kids do. I have no idea what the purpose is (even though I've speculated and I'll let you do the same), but from an extremely young age, the most entertaining activity of any child is coming up behind someone, preferably bent over and vulnerable, and with two hands clasped together, (I'm talking Double Index Fingers, people!) poking them right in the ass!
No Joke! No joke! Forget the bar of soap in the shower! That battle spilled out of the locker room and into the streets!
Then they shout out "Ddong Chim!" I don't know what this means, either. But, from the kids expression, it's something like "gotcha," or "take that," or "how did my ring feel!" Something Korean and foreign and frightening.
This happened to me my first night in Gwang-Ju. I'd just spent a week of training in Seoul, and then was shipped off. I took a bus across the country, and got to a much smaller and much more Asian city. I didn't even have my apartment yet and had to spend the night at a swanky hotel (completely different story, but to give you an idea, there were complimentary condoms in the room. . too small!), so I was in a pretty weird state of mind. So, a fellow newb buddy of mine and i decide to go get some food in a burger-ish joint nearby. Because everything is in Korean we have to order via picture. There I am, bent over the counter, trying to pick out the most appetizing image, and the next thing I know something slams right into my sphincter! Wham!
I shout out loud and spin around, and there's this little six year old Asian kid shaking two victorious fingers at me and laughing in my face. I've never hit a child before in my life (except Cory) but I almost socked that kid right in the face.
I don't know, maybe they're just nice and naive and friendly, maybe they all want to be proctologists, maybe they're all gay. Who cares. They can do what they like. As far as I'm concerned, I’m going to try my hardest to never wear a hospital gown while I'm here.
April 2009
-Chris
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